阿柯 (antinats) wrote in borg47,
阿柯
antinats
borg47

  • Mood:

hrm

Just don't take me for granted. It's scary, and I just have to turn around and be alone. Don't take me for granted.
I can't find subjects. I haven't tested a single subject. Not one. Then it'll be coding coding coding and running stats and finding out I've fucked things up from square one and I have no results, but at least I'll finally be at a point where I can WRITE. I hate testing subjects. And I haven't even started yet.
Ironically, I spent hours this morning working on my other research project that's going to a convention today. It's all on a big poster. Beautiful. About spatial semantics and motion verbs and prepositions. Interesting, cool, beautiful poster, and I'm not going with it to Maryland. Too many flights lately, too many injuries. I got some travel funds to go, but just NO. Just say no. So I'll be here this weekend if you can believe. Otherwise, I'd be leaving tonight and coming back Sunday. Two people from our group are going. It'd be cool to be there, but shit I'm grateful for one airline-free weekend. One Claremont weekend.
Was supposed to read some Chinese gay lit. The author is meeting with our class today at Nick's. To discuss his work, which I haven't read. Actually, I read one short piece about coming out of the closet. Ji Da Wei, I think is the guy's name. I'm glad we're having class at Nick's, but we have to go to the room and take a test first. I didn't study for it, and what bullshit is that to have us take a test first?! We had a test on MONDAY! And we're meeting with this author! How stupid. I dunno. Just stupid.
God I need subjects, and they have to be native Mandarin speakers. Shitballs. Holy shitballs. WHYWHYWHY. I hate thesis. I wouldn't mind to write it, but it's this data shit, and I'm way behind, and it's not like I can test just anyone. Fuck.
GOD it's scary, the thought of being taken for granted. It happens to all of us in different ways. I'm guilty of doing it too. I'm not trying to say I'm not. I wouldn't say I'm not. But it does get scary. The scarier thing maybe is being okay with being taken for granted, like putting up with it or getting too comfortable with it or something. THAT's freaky.
I don't even know who reads this anymore. I used to have a pretty good idea who was reading this, but I really don't anymore. Not at all. It seems so stupid too to assume people have read it, like, Well, didn't you read that in my LJ? Or, You'd KNOW this about me if you read my LJ like I thought you did. Or SHIT how did you KNOW that. Oh I forgot you read my LJ. I just don't know who reads it. Maybe people skim it or start to read it and then say fuckit.

It's lunch time. Thank god. But it's so cold in Oldenborg cafeteria. Fuck that. Why does it have to be so cold? It ruins my appetite and makes me hurry out of there, when I should be practicing my Chinese at the Chinese table. You know, lingering and stuff. But they freeze you out. Totally freeze you out. How lame.

I might post this on the Oldenborg community. Hrm. Nobody uses that much. Why not? I mean, why the hell not? It's vulgar. I have such a potty-mouth today. Urgh. I spent all morning on that research project that ISN'T EVEN my thesis!!

how's everyone else? Yeah, I thought so.
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Dude